Nightmare for family as umpire comes to stay

Young Toby Harrison's unusual hobby brought a nightmare for his unsuspecting family as a friendless umpire took advantage.
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On this day in cricket, 21 November 2006

Cricket club at centre of bonfire controversy

Egg Thieves Rock Cricket Club supporters enjoyed a bonfire night with a difference if pensioner Mrs Edith Drabb, 73, is to be believed.
The well known fantasist and Avon Lady claims to have become the evening’s entertainment when about fifty bored spectators grew tired of the cricket club’s traditional bonfire night routine.
“They pushed me to the top of Egg Thieves Way, gave me a pair of goggles and a crash helmet, and loaded my wheelchair with as many rockets and roman candles as it would hold,” claimed Mrs Drabb.
“After igniting the lot they gave me a push and before I knew it I was hurtling down the hill at the epicentre of a multi-coloured fireball. People have pulled similar stunts in the past so I am used to steering under pressure and I managed to navigate the path okay.
“When I had slowed down enough I negotiated a safety crash into the club moat in order to put the flames out. Thankfully I landed in an abandoned shopping trolley as I can’t swim.”
Sir Christopher Hogg attended the annual event and was with Mrs Drabb at the time of the alleged incident. However, the Hoggshire Cricket League patron offers a very different version of events and insists that it was the pensioner who was at fault.
“A few years ago she sold me some aftershave in a bottle shaped like a vintage car,” said Sir Christopher.
“Every time I have seen her since she has claimed that I have yet to settle my bill and harassed me for money. Having paid her at least ten times for the same item I told her on the night in question that enough was enough.
“That’s when she grabbed my lit cigar, said ‘I’ll take this as a down payment’, and commenced her descent of Egg Thieves Rock.”
Grounds man Lionel Thudd was burning trees at the bottom of the hill at the time and watched as Mrs Drabb careered out of control into the moat.
“She was clearly struggling and would have drowned without assistance,” recalled Mr Thudd.
“I was the only person on the scene and can’t swim either so I tried to reach her with a cricket bat. She claimed it was too big to grab hold of and threw me a Soap on a Rope which I used to pull her to safety.
“As soon as she was out of danger she demanded twenty quid for the soap.”


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Hoggshire League
Live Scores
Verruca Bath under 12s
Park Royal Pederasts

National Socialists
Egg Thieves Rock

Leech Beck
Rickets Wood

West Crematorium
East Midden

Green Fountain under 14s
Bramble Park

Trench Lice
Nettles Green

Tipside Tigers
Kitten Sack Pond

Moth Meadow
Cannibal Caves

Plague Moor
Rillington Place Third X1

Goats of Mendis Second X1
Fish Sands

Horse Field
Summerisle Strollers

Hoggshire Cricket News
Club president swapped wife for a scratch card
Illingworth imposter stole soup.
Umpire blows fortune on wishing well
Rioters criticised for sparing Oval
Tributes paid to radioactive tea lady
Umpire has matinee idol looks says sister
Tea time bear stampede impresses Valerie Singleton
Giant spider invasion leads to fixture pile-up
Scorer's body exhumed in missing pencil probe.
Search for "vanishing" tea-lady intensifies.