News

Nightmare for family as umpire comes to stay

Young Toby Harrison's unusual hobby brought a nightmare for his unsuspecting family as a friendless umpire took advantage.
photo for this article

On this day in cricket, 21 November 2006

Cricket club at centre of bonfire controversy

Egg Thieves Rock Cricket Club supporters enjoyed a bonfire night with a difference if pensioner Mrs Edith Drabb, 73, is to be believed.
The well known fantasist and Avon Lady claims to have become the evening’s entertainment when about fifty bored spectators grew tired of the cricket club’s traditional bonfire night routine.
“They pushed me to the top of Egg Thieves Way, gave me a pair of goggles and a crash helmet, and loaded my wheelchair with as many rockets and roman candles as it would hold,” claimed Mrs Drabb.
“After igniting the lot they gave me a push and before I knew it I was hurtling down the hill at the epicentre of a multi-coloured fireball. People have pulled similar stunts in the past so I am used to steering under pressure and I managed to navigate the path okay.
“When I had slowed down enough I negotiated a safety crash into the club moat in order to put the flames out. Thankfully I landed in an abandoned shopping trolley as I can’t swim.”
Sir Christopher Hogg attended the annual event and was with Mrs Drabb at the time of the alleged incident. However, the Hoggshire Cricket League patron offers a very different version of events and insists that it was the pensioner who was at fault.
“A few years ago she sold me some aftershave in a bottle shaped like a vintage car,” said Sir Christopher.
“Every time I have seen her since she has claimed that I have yet to settle my bill and harassed me for money. Having paid her at least ten times for the same item I told her on the night in question that enough was enough.
“That’s when she grabbed my lit cigar, said ‘I’ll take this as a down payment’, and commenced her descent of Egg Thieves Rock.”
Grounds man Lionel Thudd was burning trees at the bottom of the hill at the time and watched as Mrs Drabb careered out of control into the moat.
“She was clearly struggling and would have drowned without assistance,” recalled Mr Thudd.
“I was the only person on the scene and can’t swim either so I tried to reach her with a cricket bat. She claimed it was too big to grab hold of and threw me a Soap on a Rope which I used to pull her to safety.
“As soon as she was out of danger she demanded twenty quid for the soap.”



Opinion

Pleasure and frustration: a weekend at the Umpire Inn

The first hotel in the world to cater specifically to the needs of cricket umpires has received mixed reviews from a group of elite umpires.

News

Cricket official couldn’t stop freak accident

A Hoggshire League cricket official has defended his decision to leave his wife in a dangerous situation.

News

Rule change ends 125 years of cricket history

Hoggshire league side Plague Moor are changing a club rule that has stood for over 125 years. But not everyone is happy about it.

News

Veteran cricket umpire interrogated

A sixty-seven year-old cricket umpire became the focus of an intense investigation when he claimed he could milk cats.

Features

Marriage, me, and the RSPB

He was the golden boy of Hoggshire cricket at a time when regional greats abounded. These days Boris Gripper is a recovering addict in a viewless room at Green Fountain Sanatorium.

News

Umpire's ordeal is "no joke"

"It was a funny old day" for Hoggshire league umpire 'Boring' Norman Makepiece. A bizarre sequence of events left him questioning his sanity ... but even worse news was to follow. However, in a PDCC exclusive, we ask: is it all a terrible misunderstanding?
Hoggshire League
Live Scores
Verruca Bath under 12s
7-2
-v-
Park Royal Pederasts

National Socialists
29-6
-v-
Egg Thieves Rock
4-1

Leech Beck
1-0
-v-
Rickets Wood
1-2

West Crematorium
29-5
-v-
East Midden
3-1

Green Fountain under 14s
15
-v-
Bramble Park
11-1

Trench Lice
27-1
-v-
Nettles Green

Tipside Tigers
32-2
-v-
Kitten Sack Pond
28-3

Moth Meadow
27-6
-v-
Cannibal Caves
19-4

Plague Moor
20
-v-
Rillington Place Third X1
7-5

Goats of Mendis Second X1
6-7
-v-
Fish Sands

Horse Field
32-3
-v-
Summerisle Strollers
29-9

Hoggshire Cricket News
Club president swapped wife for a scratch card
Illingworth imposter stole soup.
Umpire blows fortune on wishing well
Rioters criticised for sparing Oval
Tributes paid to radioactive tea lady
Umpire has matinee idol looks says sister
Tea time bear stampede impresses Valerie Singleton
Giant spider invasion leads to fixture pile-up
Scorer's body exhumed in missing pencil probe.
Search for "vanishing" tea-lady intensifies.