Nightmare for family as umpire comes to stay

Young Toby Harrison's unusual hobby brought a nightmare for his unsuspecting family as a friendless umpire took advantage.
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On this day in cricket, 22 October 2000

Veteran quick bowler defends injury record

A fast bowler whose injury record led to accusations of malingering has hit out at critics.
37 year old Chez ‘’ Sicknote ‘’Gibbons has been at East Midden CC for over 10 years but in that time has played just a handful of games despite being the club’s top wage earner.
Gibbons has been sidelined for the past 3 seasons with a combination of injuries. He told Hoggshire Weekly News that he was suffering from ‘’ Dartitis, gut rot and a bit of a runny nose.’’
‘’ People expect me to charge in and bowl at speeds in excess of 40 miles per hour all the time but that sort of exertion really takes it out of your body, ‘’ added Gibbons.
‘’ I’m no spring chicken any-more so the recovery process is longer. I have had this cold now for the best part of a decade and it still hasn't responded to the Beechams Powders I took at the end of the 1997 season. I may have to upgrade to Flu Plus.’’
Supporters of the beleaguered Hoggshire side have been vocal in their criticism of Gibbons and his frequent non – appearances.
Supporters Club Chairman Mick Sledge said: ‘’ I don’t know why the club don’t get rid of him. He hasn’t set foot on the field since 1995 when he bowled two balls before coming off with a vaginal discharge. I saw him later that night Moonwalking at Nurses Night in Annabellas .’’
Since taking 0 – 246 on debut in 1989 Gibbons has played just 5 games He missed the entire 1992 and !993 seasons with chronic dandruff and , all but one game in 1994 after claiming to have been bitten by a witch.
‘’ I should be firing on all cylinders for my benefit season next year , ‘ said Gibbons. ‘’ If this cough clears up then opposition batsmen won’t know what’s hit them. ‘’


Pleasure and frustration: a weekend at the Umpire Inn

The first hotel in the world to cater specifically to the needs of cricket umpires has received mixed reviews from a group of elite umpires.


Cricket official couldn’t stop freak accident

A Hoggshire League cricket official has defended his decision to leave his wife in a dangerous situation.


Rule change ends 125 years of cricket history

Hoggshire league side Plague Moor are changing a club rule that has stood for over 125 years. But not everyone is happy about it.


Veteran cricket umpire interrogated

A sixty-seven year-old cricket umpire became the focus of an intense investigation when he claimed he could milk cats.


Marriage, me, and the RSPB

He was the golden boy of Hoggshire cricket at a time when regional greats abounded. These days Boris Gripper is a recovering addict in a viewless room at Green Fountain Sanatorium.


Umpire's ordeal is "no joke"

"It was a funny old day" for Hoggshire league umpire 'Boring' Norman Makepiece. A bizarre sequence of events left him questioning his sanity ... but even worse news was to follow. However, in a PDCC exclusive, we ask: is it all a terrible misunderstanding?
Hoggshire League
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Goats of Mendis Second X1

Horse Field
Plague Moor

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East Midden

Summerisle Strollers
West Crematorium

Verruca Bath under 12s
Rickets Wood

Egg Thieves Rock
Rillington Place Third X1

Green Fountain under 14s
Bramble Park

Tipside Tigers
Leech Beck

Trench Lice
Park Royal Pederasts

Moth Meadow
National Socialists

Cannibal Caves
Nettles Green

Hoggshire Cricket News
Giant spider invasion leads to fixture pile-up
' Player power ' blamed for umpire's death
Umpire has matinee idol looks says sister
Bin Laden wanted ashes scattered at Grace Road
Scorer's body exhumed in missing pencil probe.
Rioters criticised for sparing Oval
Umpire blows fortune on wishing well
Club president swapped wife for a scratch card
Fielders told to keep pets off pitch during play
Groundsman stole palace worms claims royal aide