Nightmare for family as umpire comes to stay

Young Toby Harrison's unusual hobby brought a nightmare for his unsuspecting family as a friendless umpire took advantage.
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On this day in cricket, 1 July 2001

Lady umpires could become reality

Female umpires have long been considered the stuff of science fiction but if a new scheme in the Hoggshire district of Throbbing Grissle is anything to go by, the far-fetched idea might one day become reality.
Umpire Recruitment Officer Alan Snell became concerned about the lack of potential new umpires coming forward and despite widespread advertising the trickle of suitable applicants gradually ran completely dry.
Woman haven’t been traditionally seen as suitable for umpiring due to their weak and hysterical emotional nature plus the large amount of domestic duties they are required to complete on a daily basis. It would also be impossible for most women to stand in one place and concentrate for eight hours at a time – unless it’s gossiping over the garden fence or waiting by the front door with a rolling pin!
With death and disability further reducing his pool of officials Snell was forced to allow woman to apply to his umpire training scheme, with surprising results. Three ladies came forward from the local area and these are now being taught the fundamentals of the rules of cricket and being fitted for their white coats.
‘I’m no feminist ‘said Snell ‘but these ladies have surprised me with their attitude and hard work. It’s opened my eyes. It’s not all about doing the washing and constant nagging -although that might come in handy with some of our batsmen , ' quipped Snell.
' Ladies before wicket' Hoggshire Weekly News 4th July 2001


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Umpire's ordeal is "no joke"

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Green Fountain under 14s
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Egg Thieves Rock

Verruca Bath under 12s
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Moth Meadow
Tipside Tigers

Park Royal Pederasts
Trench Lice

Rickets Wood
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Goats of Mendis Second X1
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West Crematorium
Bramble Park

Cannibal Caves
Summerisle Strollers

Hoggshire Cricket News
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Illingworth imposter stole soup.
Twelfth man admits teasing fish
Umpire blows fortune on wishing well
Scorer looted Ladbrokes pencils